Just How Retarded Do They Want Me To Look?
I guess I must start by saying that I work for the fabulous State of Alaska. I really, really like my job, the people (well, ok...most of them) are great, the hours are fabulous and there is always something new happening. Another bonus to the job: TRAVEL.
For this particular trip, I was going to Alaska's biggest city, Anchorage. There are MANY benefits to traveling to the great city....the biggest one being shopping. For those of you who have never been to Fairbanks (Alaska's second largest city), our clothes shopping options consist of Sears, Wal Mart, Fred Meyer (upscale Wal Mart - I know, oxi-moron) and Gottschalks. Not much to chose from. You can pretty much be guaranteed that if you purchase an article of clothing in this town that at least 50 of your closest friends will also have one. At times, you are tempted to call some of these people to check what they will be wearing the next day so you don't look like you were trying to match them.
Anyway, back to my story.....having a paid trip to Anchorage to shop.....oops, I mean work. It's fabulous that the state pays for things like your hotel, your food, your plane ticket down there. It is not fabulous that they pay for your rental car. Having the state pay for your rental car is a bad, bad thing. Especially if you are used to driving a decent vehicle, you know, one that comfortably seats at least 4 people or reaches 60 miles per hour without rattling or taking an eternity to reach such a speed. When the state pays for your rental car, you are getting the cheapest damn thing that the rental car company offers. These are the cars that sit on the far back part of the dealership lot, the ones that I'm sure the car salesmen think are more of a hassle to sell than a benefit. They probably make a whole 5 bucks on each deal when they sell one of these pieces of crap. A week in Hawaii probably cost more than the original MSRP of these hunks of metal.
This is where my story really begins. I was so excited to get down to A-Town, hang out with friends, go shopping and just be away from the house, kid and dogs. That was before I picked up the cheapest foreign vehicle ever made. When is the last time you were forced to drive a vehicle that did not have automatic door locks and windows? I didn't even realize that they were still manufacturing cars without such things! When is the last time you drove a vehicle that when you stepped on the gas pedal, it really and truly sounded as though you had one of those cars were you wind up the rubber band in the back and let it go? Seriously...I had to drive such a contraption. I think the Flinstone's had a better zero to 60 reaction time in their Bedrock Special. Anyway, being a twenty-something who is single and loves to have fun, having to drive this deathbox gave me the sense of humiliation similar to having to wear just my Victoria's Secrets to the bar (or so I imagine....I'm not that crazy, nor have I gotten that drunk....recently).
I was pre-warned about what kind of vehicle that I was going to have to drive. I've traveled on the state's dime before. I really, truly tried to get out of it. I did....but I was denied. I was told that my original reservation was for a compact car, but.....whoopsy!!! The mistake was discovered and I was given the correct car.....the sub-compact. Doesn't sub-compact just scream "TIN BOX YOU WILL MEET YOUR UNTIMELY DEATH IN?" I thought so, which is why I even requested to pay the additional 3 dollars a day for the upgrade. Three dollars. I can afford that, even on my salary. But no......it is really, really too much of a hassle for the state travel people to let me do that, so I was told. Probably involves about 120 sheets of paper documentation for that to happen. Damn them. So I was forced to drive around in this horrible, tiny, nothing automatic, damn-near-sitting-on-the-ground, pathetic piece of shit.
Well, next time any of you are in Anchorage and see me driving around in a car that probably cost less than my shoes, be a champ and offer me a lift, will ya?
For this particular trip, I was going to Alaska's biggest city, Anchorage. There are MANY benefits to traveling to the great city....the biggest one being shopping. For those of you who have never been to Fairbanks (Alaska's second largest city), our clothes shopping options consist of Sears, Wal Mart, Fred Meyer (upscale Wal Mart - I know, oxi-moron) and Gottschalks. Not much to chose from. You can pretty much be guaranteed that if you purchase an article of clothing in this town that at least 50 of your closest friends will also have one. At times, you are tempted to call some of these people to check what they will be wearing the next day so you don't look like you were trying to match them.
Anyway, back to my story.....having a paid trip to Anchorage to shop.....oops, I mean work. It's fabulous that the state pays for things like your hotel, your food, your plane ticket down there. It is not fabulous that they pay for your rental car. Having the state pay for your rental car is a bad, bad thing. Especially if you are used to driving a decent vehicle, you know, one that comfortably seats at least 4 people or reaches 60 miles per hour without rattling or taking an eternity to reach such a speed. When the state pays for your rental car, you are getting the cheapest damn thing that the rental car company offers. These are the cars that sit on the far back part of the dealership lot, the ones that I'm sure the car salesmen think are more of a hassle to sell than a benefit. They probably make a whole 5 bucks on each deal when they sell one of these pieces of crap. A week in Hawaii probably cost more than the original MSRP of these hunks of metal.
This is where my story really begins. I was so excited to get down to A-Town, hang out with friends, go shopping and just be away from the house, kid and dogs. That was before I picked up the cheapest foreign vehicle ever made. When is the last time you were forced to drive a vehicle that did not have automatic door locks and windows? I didn't even realize that they were still manufacturing cars without such things! When is the last time you drove a vehicle that when you stepped on the gas pedal, it really and truly sounded as though you had one of those cars were you wind up the rubber band in the back and let it go? Seriously...I had to drive such a contraption. I think the Flinstone's had a better zero to 60 reaction time in their Bedrock Special. Anyway, being a twenty-something who is single and loves to have fun, having to drive this deathbox gave me the sense of humiliation similar to having to wear just my Victoria's Secrets to the bar (or so I imagine....I'm not that crazy, nor have I gotten that drunk....recently).
I was pre-warned about what kind of vehicle that I was going to have to drive. I've traveled on the state's dime before. I really, truly tried to get out of it. I did....but I was denied. I was told that my original reservation was for a compact car, but.....whoopsy!!! The mistake was discovered and I was given the correct car.....the sub-compact. Doesn't sub-compact just scream "TIN BOX YOU WILL MEET YOUR UNTIMELY DEATH IN?" I thought so, which is why I even requested to pay the additional 3 dollars a day for the upgrade. Three dollars. I can afford that, even on my salary. But no......it is really, really too much of a hassle for the state travel people to let me do that, so I was told. Probably involves about 120 sheets of paper documentation for that to happen. Damn them. So I was forced to drive around in this horrible, tiny, nothing automatic, damn-near-sitting-on-the-ground, pathetic piece of shit.
Well, next time any of you are in Anchorage and see me driving around in a car that probably cost less than my shoes, be a champ and offer me a lift, will ya?
posted by Shea at 9:28 PM
4 Comments:
Are you kidding? Blackmail material like that is priceless! I'll be the one pulling up beside you, pointing and laughing! And then, after I've taken a sufficent number of photos to paste your house with, I'll probably pull over and offer you a ride. Probably. :P
Thanks, honey...I knew I could always count on a good friend like you!!! =0)
i use to rent a lot of cars for about 2 years. some of them were pretty bad. i use to complain alot and they would upgrade me for free but it would not show up on the contract.
Damn! To be young all over again!!!
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